House of Mystery

7 months. Not quite an anniversary but it is 7 months. As I laid down last night I couldn't help but reflect on the first few nights in my new apartment in Japan. It was just dreadful.

I love this apartment because of all the gadgetry and technology. And I hate this apartment with all this gadgetry and technology. The problem really isn't the gadgets, but rather the manuals, remotes and buttons that are all in Japanese and only in Japanese. So, as you would expect, just figuring out how to use everything was a big challenge.


1. The heater: I could only get it to blow COLD air.
2. The toilet: It shot water in my face.
3. The microwave/oven: My food wasn't getting warm.
4. The built in bathroom dryer: what are all these buttons for?
5. The TV remote: I just need to switch the voice-overs to English.
6. The bathtub: It literally talks to me but I don't know what it's saying!
7. The washing machine: Somebody get it to stop that beeping!

The intercom, the water heater, the delivery box, the automatic lights and even my cell phone. On and on it went for weeks.

But everything is gravy now. One day I gathered all my manuals and remote controls and took them work. It was a community effort and now my house of mystery isn't so mysterious anymore.

The Big Willy

I didn't make it to this year's Willy festival but I'm happy to report that they changed the color of the main attraction from pink to black. I bet that, after much consideration, the giant dildo committee realized that nothing that size can ever be pink.

So what's the story behind the big willy you ask?

Version 1 says that it's to celebrate the death of a female demon that liked to bite off men's privates. A monk fashioned an iron willy and it shattered her teeth as she tried to get a little nibble.

Version 2 says that the area had many of the "ladies of the night" and they had the festival to pray for protection against STDs. But today, the festival is used to raise funds for HIV/AIDS.

Things to do and see at the festival:
- See the traditional dancing and drumming
- Get hand-carved, organ-shaped turnips
- Buy an array of seductive candies and trinkets
- Hug and kiss the mighty Iron for good luck
- Watch the transvestite, gays & lesbians... (lesbians? get 'em outta here!)
- And of course, Ride the Wooden Stick of Looove

But whether it's version 1 or version 2 or both, one thing is for sure - these people are wah-wah-Wacky.

Pretty Flowers

I've gotten so used to seeing the place looking barren and grey that it's visually shocking now that spring is here. It seems to have happened overnight actually. One day I woke up and everything was in bloom, beautiful and alive.

This is Hanami Season - Cherry Blossom viewing. Japan is shaped like a croissant and the blossoms start from the bottom of the island and makes it way to the top. (It reminds me of the stadium wave at baseball or basketball game.) And Tokyo is in the fattest, yummiest part of the croissant somewhere at the edge.

The blooms only last but 2 weeks and it is vigorously celebrated. I never got into it when I lived in DC, but the Japanese really get a kick out of it and you can't help but get excited also.

Hundreds line up (including me), at any one time, just for the chance to see the prettiest blossoms in the city. Companies entrust their young hires with the special task of finding and holding the best spots under the trees until the managers can join. People picnic, drink, and lounge for hours.

And of course no celebration would be complete without the vendors. Tons of them selling all sorts of food (traditional or not), cooked fresh right in front of you. It's great to watch. Even if you don't like the taste of everything, it's also great to try.

Ahhh yes, spring...

Spin-cercise

With all the rice and noodles I have to eat now, it's no surprise that I desperately need to hit the gym.

At first I planned to talk about how it took me 2 hours to get signed up as I struggled with the Japanese/English issue. Then I thought I could talk about the special locker rooms and gym etiquette. Then I would top it all off with a piece on the flat butts I have to stare at.

Instead, I just need to air my frustrations on the aerobic classes I've taken. Besides feeling like a deaf girl taking an aerobics class - as the instructions are all in Japanese - I just can't get a proper workout.

First, I took a beginners class to sort of ease into the whole get in shape thing. But the extent of the routine was "grapevine, pivot, spin, march". 45 minutes of this and I didn't even sweat. I was very disappointed.

The second time I decided to do a higher level. Surely, the higher the level, the better the workout, the more in pain I should be. Right? But not here - oh no no no. Here, the various levels only indicate how dizzy you will be afterwards.

"Pivot, spin, grapevine, twirl, and mambo and twirl, and mambo and spin..."

"Huh? Am I missing something here? Exactly which muscles are we working?
Please can we do just one crunch or a push up? Pretty please. How about a squat?" I begged silently.

Now that I really think about it, the different levels must indicate the degree of gayness in the male instructors. I've been instructed my many guys over the years and never have I been told to "mambo and twirl". Oh I get it now! The higher the level, the greater the gayness and, hence, an increase in the number of spins.

Alrighty then, why didn't you just say so? Where's the yoga class?! :-s